A Foray Into S&M Otherwise Known As My Trip To The Chiropractor

20110915 Chiropractic Treatment Table

Photo credit: Degilbo on flickr)

I had had enough of lower back pain that would attack, without notice and render me useless for the rest of the day.  Upon closer observation, I realized that it occurred after long periods of time spent sitting and gazing at my laptop, something I’ve done a lot of lately.

The pleasure I sought was the relief of excruciating pain that seems to be getting worse with each episode I had.

I thought it was time that I did something about it and several co-workers recommended a “guy” and slipped me his number.  My thought process was:  get in, get an x-ray, see what’s going on there, see what my options are and get out.

I entered his lair, the smell of leather wafting up to me from the waiting room.  I was ushered into a dimly lit cell and questioned. Then he entered.  All 6 feet, 250 pounds of him. They called him The Chiropractor. He seemed to have enough strength to snap me in two and a chill went down my spine.  He seemed affable enough but moved in close.

He lured me in with promises of relief, range of motion and flexibility. He knew what he was doing and knew all the right things to say.  I could tell he had done this a long time and as his hands moved over my body with a certainty, a confidence , I began to relax.  He touched me in ways I’ve never been touched.  When I told him I was nervous he said “I’m going to enjoy working with you, I like a challenge.”  When he told me to go into another room filled with tables and curious machines, all I could think was yes, Master. His accomplice made me lie down and strapped things to me. They didn’t hurt but I was ordered not to leave until he came for me.

In what seemed like a flash, he darkened the door and summoned me back to the cell. He motioned for me to lie down on a table devised for his amusement. This time he was all business and the warmth I’d seen earlier was gone. He began to push me around, calling it an “adjustment” pushing into my back until I heard cracking and worse, a slow long crunch…..I screamed. I could tell he was enjoying this and about to really get into it, his hands deftly moving down my lower back to strike again when I said, no! Master no!  His hands stopped mid-air, twitching to make contact with my body again.  No, master, please, the pain!  “It’s ok, it’s ok, baby steps” he said and he retreated with a smirk.

His accomplice returned, she called herself Nurse and made me follow her to another dark cell. She placed me on a strange bed and began to bind me with a holster of sorts, pulling it tight until I could hardly breathe.  She connected me to a machine and dropped the table beneath me and ever so slowly the table began to move. With each shift of the table my spine stretched a bit more.  Because of my confinement I could only see the ceiling and either wall in my peripheral vision. I felt vulnerable and a little bit scared.  Had I angered him, would this machine be my punishment?  The accomplice was in my face telling me it would be another 13 minutes.  Why 13 I wondered. I took deep breaths and vowed that if I made it off the table I’d never return.  Seconds turned to minutes and finally the all clear sounded.  The table returned to its original position and I hurried off the second the accomplice unshackled me. I composed myself and hobbled to the reception desk, hands trembling.  “Same time tomorrow?” Uh…yeah, sounds great….yikes!

(all facts accurate however my perception may be a tad skewed!)

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16 Comments

Filed under Musings

16 responses to “A Foray Into S&M Otherwise Known As My Trip To The Chiropractor

  1. Hehehe… cute read. Um… it made me want to lube up something so I went out and changed the oil on my car.

  2. It’s too bad there isn’t an interface between mind and holo-deck yet. You crack me up! har har Pun intended.

  3. Dor

    This is a hilarious post! I may send it to my chiropractor. Thanks for sharing.

    • lol thanks and glad you got it! I think you should, they need to know how they strike fear! Thanks for reading and hope you’re having a good weekend.

  4. purpleowltree1234

    Wonderful dark post! Such versatility! :) I love it!!
    Are you really going back to the chiro? Tomorrow? Wow, you’re brave! :)
    So how’s your sciatica feeling now?
    The fame and thOUsands of admirers, you earned. The back pain… a heavy cross you had to bear for your brilliance and hilarity which attracted so many with a little publicity. Plus your excellent, prompt customer service too!
    Hoping you feel better very soon, and each episode of this doesn’t keep escalating. If the chiro doesn’t work, try an osteopath next time. They’re generally even better as far as outsomes, and definitely the length of training they’ve had, at least in Australia. My friend is an osteo- I’m not biased! ;)
    I’m hanging out for your next post like a junkie.
    Love from Rach :)

    • haha!! You cracked me up with this comment! Oh what I do for my fans, yes it’s a heavy burden lol And no I’m actually not going back, just thought it was a nice way to end it lol You are a follower among followers (hate that term) and I appreciate that you’re reading them all and glad I haven’t bored you yet!!

      • purpleowltree1234

        If I were bored here I wouldn’t keep reading! :) It’s simple! You are NOT boring!! :)
        Hope your back/sciatica is feeling much better! I know a Great exercise to stretch the muscle that the sciatica is in, so when you relax it, it takes pressure off your sciatica and the sciatica settles down usually immediately, but more over the next couple days too, esp if you repeat the exercise as needed. Used to do it all the time when I was pregnant! My osteo friend taught it to me. It’s Awesome! If you get desperate enough to hear what it is (it takes about 40 seconds), look me up. :)
        Love from Rach

  5. Vanessa

    Haha- great read! I’ve been missing 50 shades since I finished the trilogy, this brought me back, lmao

  6. lol, I remember that stretch machine. Just as fyi, my lower back problem greatly improved when I stopped going to a chiropractor and started riding a bicycle. I wish I can send you a virtual get-well card, but something tells me it will only make your back problem worse..lol
    Hoping for your speedy recovery!

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