I had had enough of lower back pain that would attack, without notice and render me useless for the rest of the day. Upon closer observation, I realized that it occurred after long periods of time spent sitting and gazing at my laptop, something I’ve done a lot of lately.
The pleasure I sought was the relief of excruciating pain that seems to be getting worse with each episode I had.
I thought it was time that I did something about it and several co-workers recommended a “guy” and slipped me his number. My thought process was: get in, get an x-ray, see what’s going on there, see what my options are and get out.
I entered his lair, the smell of leather wafting up to me from the waiting room. I was ushered into a dimly lit cell and questioned. Then he entered. All 6 feet, 250 pounds of him. They called him The Chiropractor. He seemed to have enough strength to snap me in two and a chill went down my spine. He seemed affable enough but moved in close.
He lured me in with promises of relief, range of motion and flexibility. He knew what he was doing and knew all the right things to say. I could tell he had done this a long time and as his hands moved over my body with a certainty, a confidence , I began to relax. He touched me in ways I’ve never been touched. When I told him I was nervous he said “I’m going to enjoy working with you, I like a challenge.” When he told me to go into another room filled with tables and curious machines, all I could think was yes, Master. His accomplice made me lie down and strapped things to me. They didn’t hurt but I was ordered not to leave until he came for me.
In what seemed like a flash, he darkened the door and summoned me back to the cell. He motioned for me to lie down on a table devised for his amusement. This time he was all business and the warmth I’d seen earlier was gone. He began to push me around, calling it an “adjustment” pushing into my back until I heard cracking and worse, a slow long crunch…..I screamed. I could tell he was enjoying this and about to really get into it, his hands deftly moving down my lower back to strike again when I said, no! Master no! His hands stopped mid-air, twitching to make contact with my body again. No, master, please, the pain! “It’s ok, it’s ok, baby steps” he said and he retreated with a smirk.
His accomplice returned, she called herself Nurse and made me follow her to another dark cell. She placed me on a strange bed and began to bind me with a holster of sorts, pulling it tight until I could hardly breathe. She connected me to a machine and dropped the table beneath me and ever so slowly the table began to move. With each shift of the table my spine stretched a bit more. Because of my confinement I could only see the ceiling and either wall in my peripheral vision. I felt vulnerable and a little bit scared. Had I angered him, would this machine be my punishment? The accomplice was in my face telling me it would be another 13 minutes. Why 13 I wondered. I took deep breaths and vowed that if I made it off the table I’d never return. Seconds turned to minutes and finally the all clear sounded. The table returned to its original position and I hurried off the second the accomplice unshackled me. I composed myself and hobbled to the reception desk, hands trembling. “Same time tomorrow?” Uh…yeah, sounds great….yikes!
(all facts accurate however my perception may be a tad skewed!)